The Purpose of Foundations First: My Testimony

Hey there! Welcome to my site. I'm so glad you are here! I'm Alexa, but you can call me BJ. It's short for my pen name, which is also my username here.

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When I created this website in January 2021, I was recovering from a serious downfall in my faith. I had already endured watching my parents divorce when I was ten years old, and in August 2019, I lost my dad.

His death shook my faith severely. I had already been questioning the Bible, but the loss of my dad was like a wrecking ball to a weak foundation, making me ask how a loving God could let this happen to me. On top of this devastating loss, my mom had a new boyfriend.

As I dealt with trust and anger issues inherited from my dad, I didn't want to accept a new father-figure in my life. Having lived without a father around for almost four of 15-going-on-16 years, I subconsciously tried to fill the role of protector, trying to shoulder a burden that no teenager should have to bear.

While my life felt like it was spiraling out of control, I tried to do everything that my dad had not done. Mainly, he hadn't been there to talk things over and support my mom, so I tried to help her when she was upset. Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad, but he was flawed like everybody.

But even as I tried to be a better, different person than my dad had been, I was taking on his mannerisms: his temper, his refusal to talk about his feelings, and his tendency to silently judge people. That was becoming me.

I was no longer the bouncy, energetic preteen who always wanted to be on the go. Now I didn't want to leave the darkness and privacy of my room - not even for the family and friendship of those in my home church. These church members had supported me during the trials of being separated from my father-figure. For four years, I'd loved being part of their community. But now I even shut myself away from them.

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At the time, I had been asking myself the questions that I believe many teens find themselves confronting. Does God really exist? How can I trust Him when I can't see Him? Is there any proof of the Bible's truth?

After holding a mock apologetics* debate with one of my friends (who also happens to be the proofreader/editor of this site), I realized that I was ill-prepared to defend the faith that had defined my childhood. As I did some further reading, I felt more confident that I'd be able to give an answer for my beliefs. However, I learned in my research that other young people were wrestling with the same doubts that had plagued me.

I never intended to create this site. The idea didn't even cross my mind. I had created two blogs before because I am an amateur fiction writer**, but I neglected them in favor of other projects. Then my mom suggested, half-jokingly, that I could create a blog for other teens who have the same questions as I do. I considered the idea, prayed about it, and now, here I am.

I'm not just writing for myself. I'm writing for you, because whoever you are - and no matter what your questions are - you're somebody to God. And that means you're somebody very special indeed. Even if you're doubting God's goodness or don't believe He exists, I hope you will stay around and check out the rest of my site.

My goal is to share the light God has given me because I want everybody to experience the same love and grace I've found.

Blessings and love,

Alexa/BJ

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So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

~ 1 Corinthians 10:31

*from the Greek "apologia" meaning "to make a defense [of the faith]"

** shameless linking: Wings of a Writer and WoaW: Writing Prompts