Improving Your Description: Making Sure Your Story Doesn’t Take Place In an Empty Room

Description is what grounds your reader in the world of your story, but a lot of writers struggle with knowing where and how to put it in.

I read a quote once where someone said, ‘I was reading some of my old writing and the dialogue was good, but the characters could have been doing handstands on the Eiffel Tower for all the description I gave.’ This particular instance, where the dialogue is good but the setting is nonexistent, is one of my own weaknesses. I can go on for paragraphs at a time without remembering to remind the reader where the characters are.

Thankfully, I have friends who were willing to point this out to me and so today, I’ll give you some tips I’ve found for placing description into a story so that it doesn’t take place in an empty room.

Use All Five Senses

Describing the scene how you see it alone is okay, but it’s not realistic. Think about when you walk into a coffeeshop. You see the chairs and tables, you smell the coffee, you hear the hiss of an espresso machine or whirr of a blender and hear conversations. You feel the warmth of the coffee you ordered and taste the sweet pastry.

This seems obvious, but it’s something writers often tend to struggle with. After all, the story in your head is coming through in pictures. It can be hard to remember that your reader needs your words to tell and show them what you’re seeing and feeling in order to recreate that picture.

Use Stronger Verbs — Beware of Adverbs

I learned in my writing curriculum to avoid adverbs whenever possible. “Hero Joe ran quickly down the hall” creates no different picture in our mind than “Hero Joe ran down the hall” because we already know that when somebody runs, they’re moving quickly.

“Hero Joe sprinted down the hall” uses a stronger verb. It lets us know that he’s running and specifies how he is running. He’s running in a short burst, at top speed.

You can almost always find a verb specific to the action you’re seeing in your head, even if you have to reference a thesaurus to find it.

If you find yourself using an adverb (which is often identifiable by the “ly” at the end), stop and think. What verb can you use or how can you rephrase your sentence to eliminate that adverb?

If it’s impossible to remove the adverb, don’t sweat it. The goal isn’t to eliminate all adverbs. It’s just to remove the ones you don’t need so that the remaining ones are stronger.

Add Unique Details To Make Your Setting Feel Real

Maybe your character’s favorite coffeeshop has a model train running around the ceiling. Perhaps the pounding rain is being blown by a strong wind and so your character can’t see more than a few feet in front of their face. The more you can make your weather and settings seem more like a unique, realistic place, the better.

Here’s two examples of this sort of description with our old friend, Hero Joe. The first example is a description with only two of the five senses, feeling and seeing.

Tired from the front steps, Hero Joe walked slowly into the coffeeshop, grateful for the warm air after the cold wind outdoors. He sat down at a table and ignored the stares. People probably wondered why his jacket looked like it had been scorched by a dragon. Well, it had. And he’d lost Ally Sam, too.

Now for the same coffeeshop scene with all five senses, a few unique details added, adverbs removed, and verbs changed.

Exhausted from the fifty-nine front steps, Hero Joe limped into the coffeeshop, managing a smile at the warm, sugar-scented air after the biting wind outside. He bought a latte and slumped down into a creaky wooden rocking chair, ignoring the stares of the other five customers.

They had to wonder why his denim jacket was half-blackened as if scorched by a dragon. Well, if they asked, he’d tell them that’s just what had happened. But not until they asked. He was too busy drowning his feelings in the butterscotch and coffee flavor of the latte. See, he’d lost Ally Sam.

That second scene is a little longer, but it provides a much more specific mental image for the reader’s brain. This coffee shop has fifty-nine steps outside and wooden rocking chairs inside, and five other customers besides Hero Joe. Hero Joe is wearing a denim jacket that’s half-scorched instead of just a jacket. He’s distracting himself with coffee because he’s upset about losing a friend.

If this scene was in first person instead of third, or in third person limited, you could include Hero Joe’s thoughts to show more of what he’s feeling and/or seeing as well.

Use Your Dialogue

Dialogue is one of the most underrated ways that you can make a setting unique. Think about it.

I have a story where the main character hears a stranger in the sheriff’s office and describes her voice as, “a fast Northern clip.”

My main character is so used to a Southern drawl that he feels the need to point out that this newcomer is definitely not a local.

I have, through his description of her voice, given you the details to realize that my story world is somewhere in the Southern United States (Texas), and that my character is likely a Southerner as well (he’s lived there for five years).

Giving the reader information without telling them, “hey, this story takes place in so-and-so” is called the rule of “show, don’t tell.” Using your dialogue is one of the easiest ways you can do this.

Think about your details. Are you using all five senses? Is there something special about the room or outdoor location that you can mention?

Brooke Johnson, out.